Slam-Dunking the Ads of Racists During NBA FInals
From Urban dictionary – May 22, 2006: Zookeeper a white slave trader of black slaves very racist term to describe a white person. Proud white person may call himself this. Ex: U f@ckin’ zookeeper!
I reside in an area that is being re-occupied by white people. As my gentlemate and I do not own a television, we’ve had to stroll down to a local eatery with more than a few white people in it to watch this year’s NBA finals series between the Dirk Nowitzki-led Mavericks and the LeBron James-led Heat.
White men are viewing the competition as solemnly as they likely viewed coverage of the 9/11 attacks. These white men are so desperate to know the current status of the contest that they are overcoming their usual aversion to standing close to my tall, brown-skinned mate. And, there is a ferocity on their faces that they seldom display around black people nowadays— unless they are enforcement officials. These white men will flinch for a millisecond when they notice me intently watching them but they remain undeterred in their attention to the screen—like they’re close to some moment of ultimate sexual satisfaction. It’s very weird. It’s very intense.
The psychologists employed by advertisers know that attention is heightened to anything occurring when the heart rate is still accelerated from an experience occurring just prior. The main products pitched to exploit this heightened response to the LeBron v. Dirk battle are two movies set for summer release: Zookeeper and Rise of the Planet of Apes. THE task of white people in this refined stage of the system of white supremacy(racism) is expressed in the relationship between the titles of these two films:
“Good” zookeeping prevents a rise of the niggers. Black people must be so bonded to racists (white supremacists) that we lack the motivation to destroy the system of racism (white supremacy).
The creation and maintenance of such a deceptive attachment of the captives to their captor can only be forged while being in very close contact with us. Only a few white people can develop this level of racist skill. People like Mark Wahlberg, the rapper-turned actor and, of course, like Dirk Nowitzki, the German born basketball GWH who is serially sexing black females. (Dirk got out of a previous engagement to one black lady when she was arrested at his home for fraud of which poor Dirk, of course, knew n o t h i n g. Nichts). Wahlberg’s character had an ape groupie but he didn’t have to pretend affection for her. Marky Mark’s character had only two ape fans while Dirk’s skills have got black people hooping and hollering for him in numbers I’d expect for a sequel to Passion of the Christ.
Back to the commercials. I wish I could include some still pictures of their most precious and expensive moments, but white people have a lock and key on the commercials. Apparently, they know about counter-racist film reviews. So, I’ll have to briefly describe the ads for those who missed the spectacle.
The Zookeeper Ads
The title role of The Zookeeper is played by Kevin James. No coincidence. Slaves here have the names of their owners. But, no relation to LeBron James (Uh, actually I don’t know about that. Consult your nearest white anthropologist.) Zoos have lots of animals. Yet, during this showdown against LeBron James, the commercials featured only one animal consistently. Yep. A gorilla. Said beast is shown thumping to hip-hop in one commercial with the white zookeeper and playing basketball with him in another.
I kid you not.
This is very serious comedy for Racist Man—and for Racist Woman; who is seen dancing cheek to cheek in a bar with the gorilla while the zookeeper looks on.
Planet of the Apes Ads
The Planet of the Apes commercials don’t clown nearly as much. These really just emphasize and amplify the threat of apes that have, finally, gotten smart. This part is not complicated. And, that’s what makes both films so fun and funny to white people. No need to whisper or hide these messages. As we have yet to get smart, a fun past-time for white people is to check the tweets on the commercials and then forward them to their friends for a high-five belly-laugh. Here’s a tweet by a black person that likely made the rounds on the droids of some white people: “I can’t wait for this to drop so I can take my nieces and nephews to see it.”
If you go to see either of these films, please don’t take little victims with you. Here is my recommended method of viewing the film if you decide to pay for it: Go with a more informed black person. Sit in the middle of the theatre and turn to each other at every racist punch line.—- When white people sitting in the rows in front of you deduce from the quietness of those behind them that there is a smarter black person in their midst, the theatre will start sounding like a Lutheran church funeral. Then, when the film is over, be the last to leave the theatre to bask in the bizarre silence that confirms that you’ve taken some enjoyment out of practicing racism for white people. It might make the film less profitable for them in more ways than one. Now, that’s good fun.
*GWH =great white hope.
Postscript: If I could write the screenplay to this Bosh-James-Wade drama, the Heat would win the championship and all three would retire at the main news conference following the series with no explanation given.
Post-postscript—Because there is no logical placement for this observation, it clumsily appears here. There is an AT&T commercial that appears during the series intermittently showing a gorilla climbing a skyscraper. At the end of the commercial, there is a black male with a hardhat standing at the top of a skyscraper that is under construction. There is no relationship of the gorilla to the product or narrative of the ad. It’s just raw racism (white supremacy). Grab your women. Grab their women. The black male is loose and climbing. Stop him.