My suggestion for black females whose ultimate goal is to replace white supremacy (racism) with justice: Find your a-alike early— before age 28 by being very serious about important things. Hold out on the cookies. At least hold out on the regular cookies. When he comes back around, and comes back around, and comes back around…Hold firm on sensible, compassionate, stable behavior from him to get time with you. TIME not cookies. If his behavior doesn’t feel good to you, don’t accept it. When he shows that he’s putting in work to see you and planning thoughtful dates and being on time and you can talk on the phone for hours….and, you’re still feeling him….then, the cookies. Cause he’s trying to lock you down by now. And, you’re still young enough to have babies. And, because you want to–really, really want to.

Proviso: He may have made one or two babies with someone else by then. But, under these conditions, that’s still a good deal and you can still be happy and productive as a Counter-Racist couple.

This will work, I think, if you’re older than 28 when you start, especially if you have no more than one child yourself. But you may not be able to have babies with your a-like if you start later than that.

Oh, I want to let the ladies know this process can take six or seven years. So, have a purpose for existing besides him. And, yes, be prepared for hurt feelings before it all pans out. But, no cursing at him. And, if he’s your a-alike, you won’t feel like doing that anyway. One more thing. Ask at least 200 questions BEFORE you get horizontal— or before you get horizontal again— if it’s too late for that.

Disclaimer: I make no representations as a behavioral/mental/ emotional health professional. Do not replace any suggestion herein w/ that of your own judgment.



  1. “Ask at least 200 questions BEFORE you get horizontal”
    Glad to hear that, and this is coming from a male perspective. I think that unless you have these critical questions asked, then it is a vain endeavour. It is so easy to pretend that you like someone only to find out, as time unfolds, that the liking is lusting.

  2. I think we need “love” for and from each other to even engage in this struggle. Like “love” for my children makes me not want them to have to deal with this. “Love” for my partner makes me want to work with him against this demon. But yeah, wouldn’t it be great to know love…without the quotes ? 🙂

  3. CREE-EIGHT Says:

    I see that you have thought, LBM. And, I concur with the thought expressed. Thank you for the analysis. Seems like there can be no “love” under this most unjust system. We best stay on our assignment of producing justice.

  4. Delaying the horizontal hustle is definitely a good idea. I would also add the advice of a guest on a Remix program : Black women need to be careful not to cripple a man and not to expect “love” from someone you literally support. As he said, if he’s living in your apartment and driving your car – that’s not love, that’s a hustle. So with the economic times being what they are, a counter-racist partner will be just that, a partner. Be sure your partner is aware that you’re both under white domination and he/she is not okay with that.

    What needs to happen in the raising of children such that they are thinking toward partnership, family, etc. I remember Baruti saying he differed with Welsing on the point of age/maturity. That he’d rather concentrate on preparing young people to have the maturity rather than set a time/age by which they should have grown into it. I can get with both positions but I lean towards hers unless and until we who are adults feel the urgency to stamp out white domination so our children will have the Baruti option.

  5. hmmmmm. Let me think 🙂

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